The “what if,” hypothetical circumstances of life have always captivated me. Whether it be the simplest decision that I could possibly make, like choosing a lunch for example, or be the decisions that have had the most impacts on my life, such as choosing to come here for university, thinking about alternate universes in which different versions of me chose the other option beg me to question, “what then ?”
Today, I felt that in some cases, it’s most probably best that we don’t attempt to seek answers to this question.
Today, I found myself in a situation that seemed to answer some questions that I had previously pondered about, regarding a possible present I might have found myself in right now if I had chosen a different path last year. It was a surreal experience, completely unanticipated, and mildly surprising for me that honestly didn’t know how to react.
I felt feelings as if I would have been happier, more joyful, less me. But at the same time, I could only think of how far I’ve gotten since I chose one divergence over the latter. This experience was as if I took binoculars and observed some other version of me living his own life in a building across town, while I myself was in another building at the other end. I could see his smiles and laughter as he talked with his, what are now, very close-knit friends. I could see the levity in his heart and sense his worry-free soul from the glow in his eyes. They radiated, and I know sometimes I wish that those on the version of this earth did the same.
And so with this stirring premonition-like reflection, I couldn’t handle myself any more to spend another minute gazing at his side. I put the binoculars aside and decided that what I had witnessed was enough,because I realised that some “what if’s ?” should only remain such that—“what if’s.”