what I learnt today /1/

Countless numbers of people have always given me similar advice about moving on from the past, and all seemed to converge to a seemingly tacit agreement that letting go of something that is troubling might mean to accept that it’s happened, forget that it happened, and/or to simply leave the incident in the past. The latter because it’s where these things rightfully belong, and most probably the most important reason being that there no longer serves a usefulness in the act of dwelling (Believe me when I say that I have some expertise in this field).

But today, I learnt that this advice is so extremely hard to follow.

In that, I only have so much influence over my mind to direct what it chooses to ponder about, because incidents that have a powerful effect over my emotions and state of being, be pleasant or be unsettling, somehow defy orders from my own self, and they more than often refuse to be left unnoticed and unacknowledged once they unconsciously resurface. Internal nagging may be an appropriate term.

And this is what a lot of this advice hasn’t prepared me for—that time really is somewhat a double-edged sword that haunts me with the past but offers the possibility of some sort of retribution and contentedness along with the future. As for the present, I’m likely at the hands of my capacity for perseverance to move forward from the past, while, as if, simultaneously combating  the force of my own mind’s entity and the force of my emotions that lead me to dwell. Indeed, time can heal all wounds but wounds often leave scars that can pull me back so easily.




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