the memory construct



an old photo of a view I took from PCH many, many years ago

I’ve frequently been having recurrent thoughts over the past few days, more so seemingly like visions or glimpses, however. They come in to mind as if out of nowhere, like the same way we receive text messages or phone calls because we don’t really ever anticipate them to come before we get them. These little thoughts behave in the same manner.

But this particular one isn’t one that I actually mind getting. I remember the first scenes of it come to life in my mind, and it possessed a kind of nostalgia that I only ever associated with the sweetest of my memories. It was a feeling so tangible that I couldn’t help but to smile and laugh and not convince myself that it wasn’t actually real and never actually happened.

I first caught a glimpse of my good friend from back home. We were in the back seat of someone’s car on a highway, most probably PCH. (The Pacific Coast Highway is a highway stretching most of the Californian coastline, and it’s particularly famous for its amazing views). I could see her laughing and smiling, and her hair flew everywhere with the windows rolled down. Similarly I could hear my other friend’s voice coming from the front of the car. I never understood what he was saying, but I could hear the light-heartedness of his laughs and famous chuckles. It smelt of the sea breeze coming from outside, and the air flowed heavy against my skin and my face.

To the left was the sea, and the right, the pacific coast mountain range that appeared so vividly in my mind. The car felt as if it was floating. The road ahead that I could see was like that of my actual memories of taking road trips up the coast as a child.

But this scene that had invaded my thoughts never was the past. It never existed but at the same time denial had been oppressive. I couldn’t help but wonder what had motivated my brain to manifest such a precise and strong image that was capable of evoking the feelings of nostalgia and sweetness that it did. I cannot stress enough the impact it wielded over me, in general. It was incredible, and I can’t stop thinking about this memory that I am perfectly aware had never actually happened.






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