I just have to admit to somebody that these past three days have been so emotionally hard for me. I tried to escape it doing what ever I could—getting out of the dorm, trying to sleep more, listening to music, being in public, but nothing really has been able to get rid of this such awful and draining feeling comparable to a deep sadness. It’s so hard that we’re kind of forced to deal with this internally and for the most part, alone. It’s a struggle that sometimes I just want to cry but I can’t bring myself to do so because I just think it’s such a dumb reason to shed tears for.
I get frustrated at myself often for having these problems; I question myself, why me? Why is it that these problems are my problems? I feel as though the burden is so overwhelming and as if it’s been slowly accumulating semester after semester and I just don’t understand so I plead to God for some answers. I try to examine my own history to try to figure out where some part of me went wrong. Why did I grow up somehow the way that I did to lead me to the person I am now? I question why is it that I feel so terribly outcasted and separate from these people who supposedly are like me, who they say are supposedly the people most similar to me out of all in the entire world?
My chest aches but by lips act as though they are glued shut. This feeling, this feeling hurts but not in the typical sense. It seems just like an irregularity at first but then you realise that this anomaly grows heavier and consuming. You want to tear it away from your body but it is simply your body, transformed; the exact skin you’re in.