flaws, IV

Yearning to be somewhere that you have no idea where. That accurately describes my feelings lately. I don’t want to be in Providence; I don’t want to be in LA. I simply want to be somewhere else.

School has really taken its toll on me. Never have I simply given up on homework and even a midterm before this semester. Never have I felt utterly hopeless in trying to understand something despite my efforts to keep on trying. Never have I felt so inadequate until now. I didn’t know these characteristics about myself before. I’m just really tired of feeling this way.

One of my friends back home keeps telling me that it’s all about perspective. That my situation in his eyes is not the way that I view myself in, which is true. Perspective is an odd thing, because it can make even the saddest moments seem happy and vice versa. With this in mind, the only thing is that I find it really hard to keep focused on an optimistic perspective when nothing seems to be working out well. I can’t really look in the positive when I am not familiar with it in the first place.

I honestly don’t know how this semester will finish. There is a month left, four finals, whatever shit follows. I don’t want to know. I just want to be somewhere else.

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