School days are lengthening and my life has decided to take a standstill. I have never felt such a repulsion to school as emphatic and as intense as the one that I feel now. I could say that I am just feeling this way because I am a senior and have succumbed to the deadly senioritis, but I know in my bones that this is not the case for me. What I am feeling is not a laziness in my mind or body, but in my spirit, because the 3 1/2 years that I have spent at this high school have been a nightmare.
I find it funny that just yesterday, one of my closest friends, whom I had met in high school, commented something as I despairingly hobbled into my 6th period class and grunted, “I’m tired,” as I fell onto my seat. She said, “You always say that…you say that like everyday.”
This had shocked me, because I hadn’t realized until at that moment that I had already burnt out. Like a flaming candle on its last millimeter of wick, my spirits are depleted. My mind is heavy with desperate thoughts wondering how I will be able to continue school for the next, holiday-less 8 weeks without being convicted of murder. 40 days is quite a long time to handle keeping such a delicate promise to myself, who is a self-diagnosed borderline-lunatic.
Perhaps my flame glowed brightest last year, when life was difficult yet tolerable, and intolerable yet simple. My classes challenged me in ways that I never thought a naively invincible, innocent high schooler like me could be challenged, but despite this, I thrived from an academic standpoint. I excelled and impressed even myself, which I admit, is very difficult for me to do. I only hope that the colleges that I applied to also see me in the same light.
But I digress, I never really thought that I would be the one who would end up dragging his feet as he ‘walked’ from one class to another, or felt such an opposition and aversion to doing a simple classwork task. I always anticipated being the one who cracks or breaks down one day, and abruptly stops going to school because he is sent to some psychological hospital. Oh well, some dreams don’t come true, now do they?
I immensely hope that tomorrow will unfold in my favor, because I need at least a little bit of motivation to survive the death March. No pun intended ||